Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I need moral support for this bender
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
