My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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