First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
