I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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