Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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