I got chris browned last night
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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