What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am one with the molecules
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
