hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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