If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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