I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize