I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
