ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
