this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
