If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
