Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
