I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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