yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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