Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
