I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Houston, we have a squirter
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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