Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
