didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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