I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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