cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
