i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
