I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
