It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
