To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
