your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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