I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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