i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
