Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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