Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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