Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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