Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
