so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
