Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
