im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
