Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
