Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
