Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
