I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize