I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
