i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize