put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
