you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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