I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So many bounce houses so little time
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
