Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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