Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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