He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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