Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
