I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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