Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Nicole vs. Life
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Randomize
