it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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