are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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