so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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