If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
