Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize