You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
