PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
