You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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