the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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