Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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