THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
