that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize