dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
