absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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