And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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