She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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