evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
is that a dick in a sweater?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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