i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
