get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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