Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
