Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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