Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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