When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
