Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So many bounce houses so little time
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
