I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
