I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
