did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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