what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
