I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
