If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
