it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
false alarm. still invincible.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize