She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
