five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
