Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
