and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
