we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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