I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
