could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
