i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
