it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
