So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
