every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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