Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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