Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
